The Home Page for Boinkin Chipmunks. The boinking Web site without any social redeeming value. Internet discussions of social, political, personal observation and opinion that includes Web standards, Web design, Internet commentary and sardonic humor. 

The Apple Diet.

A new diet, developed by That Guy, has just been introduced, known as “The Mount Katmai Apple Diet”. It is much simpler and much more efficient than the new Japanese Banana Diet.

The Diet Plan: Insert one small apple into the mouth at 0700 HRS. Remove the apple from the mouth at 2300 HRS.

Patrick White, Quarterback for the West Virginia University Mountaineers and Heisman candidate, is writing a series of articles for Sporting News Today. The first of those articles has been formatted into a HTML Web document.

These articles are being used to accomplish several things. First, it is a Web document that is fully accessible to those with handicaps. Second, the content tests the use of Microsoft's EOT technology. Finally, it is used, along with future publications, to test various fluid versus fixed layout techniques. The first article has been formatted in attempt to closely duplicate the original magazine layout.

This project will be doing the proverbial thing of killing several birds with one stone. Regardless, it is an interesting read by one the nation's finest collegiate athletes and a true gentleman.

The United States Commander-in-Chief, George Bush, made an appearance to inspect the U.S. Women's Olympic Beach Volleyball Team.

President Bush inspected the team members' tattoos, uniforms and body parts. Laura Bush, while back in Washington, noted that it was just “[...] George simply being George. He knows that if he ever got out of line, his butt would be placed in front of his own face for personal inspection.”

Sidenote: Dick Cheney asked to review the U.S. Olympic Shooting Team but was denied. Several of its members expressed a high level of concern that if Cheney would appear that someone would get shot in the face.

Gotta love politics and the Olympic events.

Great Britain today refused to grant Martha Stewart an entry visa for visiting Britain.

A Home Office spokeswoman, however, refused to comment about Stewart's entry to Britain, but added: “We continue to oppose the entry to the U.K. of individuals where we believe their presence in the United Kingdom is not conducive to the public good or where they have been found guilty of serious criminal offenses abroad.”

Off the record, Britain's Home Office spokeswoman, Lucy Pinder, noted that “The United States won't allow entry for Cat Stevens and we are not going to allow entry for Martha. So there.”

Damn right. Payback's are truly a bitch.

Researchers Discover Monkeys That Can Fish.

Groups of long-tailed macaques were observed four times over the past eight years scooping up small fish with their hands and eating them along rivers in Indonesia's East Kalimantan and North Sumatra provinces.

::Yawn:: So what. Big deal. Everyday I discover monkeys that can type. Next week, it will be reported that monkeys have been discovered that watch Monster Truck Rallies while drinking Rolling Rock beer.

The top U.S. military commander in Iraq told a Senate committee today that improved security in Iraq is “fragile and reversible” and recommended a pause in the withdrawal of U.S. forces after mid-July.

Source: General Petraeus' testimony before the Senate Armed Services Committee, United States Congress, The Washington Post.

Perhaps it would be wise to listen to men in the field and to place politics aside. Failure to do so will result in our intervention into the Mid-East, again and sooner rather than later. Visions of the first Gulf War come to mind. A third time around could make the first two wars look like a jamboree. Deal with it this time.

Accessibility, Rabbit Holes and “Suits”.

The Telecommunications and Electronic and Information Technology Advisory Committee [TEITAC] submitted a lengthy and detailed report to the United States Access Board. This report will serve as a basis for recommended changes within Section 508 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, as amended and Section 255 of the Telecommunications Act of 1996.

A lot of well intentioned people, aka ‘suits’, put in eighteen months of hard work into this recommendation. From what I can glean from this report is that the recommended Section 508 changes are based upon the W3C's WCAG 2.0. The status of the WCAG 2.0 guideline is still a Working Draft and has not yet reached the point of a Candidate Recommendation.

The people I want to hear from are the “Dana and Christopher Reeves”. The people who are on the front lines who need and depend upon these mandates. The people who have been there, done that and have literally earned the t-shirt. From there, I want to know if the people who have to implement these things can get it done. I want these things done at the front-end and as a foundation where it belongs rather than at the back-end during Congressional hearings. I damn sure don't want mandates legislated based upon how the World Wide Web Consortium [W3C] has constructed the version 2 of the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines [WCAG], in the manner that it has been constructed nor based upon incomplete Working Drafts, thereof.

Until then, it is just another ‘Rumsfeld-esque’ policy recommendation that, without logic, overlooks direct input and a primary foundation from those whom the policies impact the most, — Another “Alice and Wonderland” rabbit hole.

Addendum 10 April 2008 1856 HRS ZULU.

Editorial for the Bill Gates image.In a January 2008 interview between Ryan Block of Engadget and Bill Gates of Microsoft, Gates was asked and answered the following:

Block:

Is there anything on the table that you feel like you never really got to see through or fully accomplish?

Gates:

[...] Reading off the screen is not mainstream.[...]

This is not the first time that Gates has said such a thing. In short and in context of Web content, reading off screen is not mainstream. It, as of yet, hasn't reached the level of being a creek. Perhaps that problem lies more in issues with user agents than it does with compliance to accessibility standards or adjustments thereof. Perhaps the focus should be upon those user agents' ability to correctly render a Web document into an audible and tactile document and the standardization of that ability for its users.

Alice, enjoy your mind-numbing delusional adventure.

The use of edible grains or any food source to manufacture a bio–fuel is asinine. With the continual rise of hunger among large segments of the world's human population, those grain resources would be better allocated to the reduction of starvation.

Too often, American farmers get more money and with less price fluctuation for their corn from bio–fuel distilleries then they can get from the grain exchanges, co–ops and direct grain processors. That economic incentive may soon change with advancements in bio–fuel technologies.

Bio–fuels research companies, such as Costkata, Inc., a leader in bio–fuel development and research, may soon be ready to change both economics and source production of ethanol fuels that are used for internal combustion engines. The company's breakthrough technology can cost effectively and efficiently make ethanol from practically any renewable source, including garbage, old tires, sewage and plant waste and do it under a dollar per gallon, manufacturing cost.

A carbonless fuel that is green friendly [no hydrocarbon emissions], uses wastes to produce the fuel and can reduce both dependency and consumption of fossil fuels, — it's about time this happens.

Fair Use for the Internet Explorer version 7 logo.Microsoft, during the last two years, has been working on a new Web browser, Internet Explorer 8. Of importance to Web developers and designers, this browser will include substantive support for Web standards. This will be the first browser from Microsoft to do so.

Last week, Microsoft announced the requirement of a meta tag that will allow Web content that includes the tag to utilize the browser's new rendering engine. Without the use of the meta tag, Web pages will use the IE 7 rendering engine as the default.

The standards focused development community has been going through considerable angst over this announcement. There are two primary recurring issues that most standards advocates take exception or question. First, why will IE 8 default to the IE 7 rendering engine. Second, the presumption is made that all future versions of Internet Explorer will default to the IE 7 rendering engine rather than the IE 8, or later, standards compliant rendering engine.

A few very knowledgeable and influential people, while taking modest exception to the method that IE 8 will use to invoke standards rendering, have not expressed overt concern about the proposed IE 8 default. They have, also, not expressed concern about future versions of IE beyond IE 8 as to the default rendering engines of any future release.

Could it possibly be that these individuals have been told privately by Microsoft what Microsoft cannot or will not say publicly? In the end, the clamor by many is and has been much to do about little.

“The most important part of communication is hearing what is not being said.” —Peter Drucker.

When Chris Wilson stated, “[...] content="IE=edge" is not recommended.” volumes were being spoken in what was not being said.

Microsoft, today, announced that the pending release of Internet Explorer 8 will default to the new IE8 standards compliant rendering engine.

This is a reversal of their previously announced default to the IE7 rendering engine within IE8. Volumes are still being spoken for all those who believe that version targeting is permanent.

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The American Anthropology Association, today, announced the discovery of a new and profound simian species, —The Blog Chatter Screaming Monkey.

The Association noted, after considerable study, that this particular species was rather harmless and had communication ability limited to nothing but screaming. Behaviorally, the monkeys would congregate with members of their own species, spend most of their time thrashing about and defecating.

Dr. Philip Lance was able to translate the consistent monotone screech as, “I wanna be the big monkey.” Lance was quick to point out that socially there was consistent turnover of the lead monkey within each group. The lead was chosen by the group as to whatever monkey, at the time, was defecating the most. Lead was not dependent upon gender.

Fair Usefor the Absolut Bottle logo.Lately there have been quite a few articles about confrontation. Come to think of it, that is not new. There is a recent Absolut Vodka commercial [EXT  – Opens in a New Window.] that has been getting some commercial air time. I guess many people in France, of late and reference to their recent riots, didn't see the commercial.

This is a commercial that is intended to sell vodka and does it by depicting a riot in Paris, France wherein the primary weapons are pillows. The tag line is “In an Absolut World”. I don't a know damn thing about selling vodka when compared to how much I know about drinking it but the commercial does have some practical sense.

Screen Shotof the Absolut Pillow Fight commercial.As far as the pillow fight image on the right, if in that same situation and looking at who opposes me, I think I might remove the head gear, grab a bottle of Absolut, pick her up, literally, tell her that she is not my enemy nor I, hers and propose that we go somewhere else and discuss more profound uses for pillows. Possibly, if she wanted and between interludes of pillow talk and ‘discussions’ of pillow use, we could do that pillow fight thing.

To this boinkin guy, that is the “Absolut” world.

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Who was the person who first developed the use of Web cloud tags? I bet tHEy KeYboARdeD LiKe tHIs TwO YEaRs PrIoR tO DeVEloPIng tHeM — the ten year old kids who randomly use capitalization throughout words within a sentence.

Screen ShotFair Use of the AOL Cloud Tag.Cloud tags are those groups of links that are present on a lot of Web content pages. The popularity of the links is indicated by font size and boldness. There is no punctuation nor legible separating character present to differentiate the individual links. They look like a long run–on sentence. An example is represented by the image on the right which appeared today within AOL national news content.

When I looked at that, I read, Bangladesh Musharraf Air Travel and wondered what to hell is that. The John Kerry Farm Bill? When to hell did Kerry introduce a farm bill and what does that cosmopolitan sob know about farming? Then, Climate Report War Funding. All right! We are going to finally invade Canada for their failure to keep their Arctic air masses from crossing the border.

Previous sarcasm aside, an adjusted cloud tag that uses separators between tags is much easier to read. Bangladesh Musharraf Air Travel, for example, now visually reads as Bangladesh, Musharraf and Air Travel.

Clouds tags, as they are currently used, demonstrate how non–accessible content can be applied to everyone, —Not a good idea. Prudent application and adjustment to cloud tag use boils down to one too little used function:  Thought.

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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat.

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EditorialFair Use of the Crash Movie Poster.I recently watched the film, Crash. As I recall it was an Academy Award for Best Picture winner several years ago.

This film had a good cross section of all major ethnic biases that are prevalent in this country. People judging others harshly for being a Spic, Wop, Beaner, Cracker, Rag–head, Jungle Bunny, Chink, whatever. Oh ... and New Yorker.

There are only two judgments that have any merit and that can be applied to people:   Those who are assholes and those who are not. Unfortunately, the terminally afflicted of the former appear to be winning.

Personally, anyone can refer to me by almost any derogatory noun, without consequence, providing they preface the noun with the word, ‘extraordinary’.

Psychologists at the University of Austin, Texas, through an interview of 2000 people, have categorized 237 reasons for having sex.

What?? Only Two hundred thirty–seven reasons? I guess that I forgot they may have been interviewing Texans. WTF? There are Two hundred thirty–seven different types of farm animals?? Before I start getting tons of hate mail, I suppose there is a likelihood that George Bush responded to the survey under 2000 different pseudonyms.

PublicDomain Fair Use of the Alberto Gonzales portrait image.USA Today reported on 18 July 2007 that new mothers who eat their own placenta [EXT] may reduce the possible effects of postpartum depression.

Well, I don't know about that. However, there is considerable merit and social value if the act of mothers who ate their young for humanitarian reasons was legalized. Goodbye Gonzales, Cheney, Bush, Ashcroft, Lott, Gingrich, Nixon, Kissinger, Johnson, attorneys-at-large, politicians, Boston priests, Falwell, Robertson, Barney the Dinosaur, Sponge Bob, Dr. Phil, that broad who wrote Gone with the Wind, the guys who invented emoticons and Internet Explorer, idiots, fools, assholes, et al. Oh, I guess that boinkin guy, too. Shit.

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Scotland Yard was called to the Lower Eastside of London, today, in an apparent sexual assault involving Camilla Parker Bowles and a Slovakian tourist, Ergof Eiwanoff. Mr. Eiwanoff, who appeared to be in a state of mass hysteria and psychological meltdown, was rushed to Saint Thomas Hospital.

Fair Useof the Molly Holzschlag London Sidewalk photograph.A hapless passer-by who witnessed the assault was able to upload only one photograph of the scene before the camera was confiscated by Scotland Yard. The witness, Molly Hossenfluffer, was overheard telling Scotland Yard:

You wouldn't believe it! Camilla ripped off her garter belt, crotchless panties and stockings (you can see them laying right over there), tackled Mr. Eiwanoff and knocked him right out of his sneakers. Poor Mr. Eiwanoff was absolutely terrified.

ParodyFair Use of the Benny Hill image.Ms. Parker was whisked away by Scotland Yard exclaiming:

He looked just like Benny Hill. Didn't you think he looked like Benny Hill? I get so boinkin randy over Benny that I just can't help myself. Besides, you should try being married to a boob like Charles!

Buckingham Palace had no comment over the incident.

On Friday, 29 June 2007, the United States Supreme Court, in a surprising reversal [EXT], agreed to review whether prisoners held at Guantanamo Bay USN [GTMO] [EXT] can use the civilian court system to challenge their indefinite confinement.

Lt. Col. Stephen Abraham's affidavit to the Court [EXT] may have contributed to the Court's decision to hear the case.

Scandia National Laboratories announced a re-mapping of the human genome using a DNA sample from Ann Coulter. Scandia stated there were some disconcerting anomalies and variables only seen in three other distinct mammals: Pat Robertson, spider monkeys and basset hounds. When asked for further clarification of these anomalies, Scandia is quoted as saying:

We can only conclude, that at some point, Pat Robertson bred with a spider monkey and birth was given to Ann Coulter. The basset hound anomaly appears as a physical trait within Ms. Coulter's face. What we don't understand at this point is whether that trait more closely resembles a basset's hound face or its ass nor do we understand, yet, how that genetic trait was acquired.

In a separate but related story, Borat and Coulter have announced their engagement. Planned Parenthood commented that “...if this union results in children, the United States Supreme Court will never over-turn Roe versus Wade.”

Dong Hits 4 Jesus. Op-ed by Emily Litella on CNN's Lou Dobbs Tonight.

Emily Litella: “What is all this fuss I hear about the Supreme Court decision on Dong Hits 4 Jesus? It's terrible! As if Jesus doesn't have enough problems as it is! Now, the Supreme Court is ruling on whether Jesus should have been hit with a dong? What would Jesus be doing with a dong, anyway? Did they even have dongs back then? I don't think they even had rubber! What would they have made a dong out of anyway? Wood? That would really hurt! It would leave behind splinters! Who could get off on a wood dong and one with splinters, too?! Dongs should be made out of latex not wood. Unless you are allergic to latex, then....”

Lou Dobbs: “Miss Litella, it is not Dong Hits 4 Jesus but Bong Hits 4 Jesus. It was a case about a high school student in Alaska who was suspended from school over a sign that read, Bong Hits 4 Jesus.”

Emily Litella: “Oh. Never mind.”

Lou Dobbs: “Miss Litella, thank you.”

Emily Litella: “Bitch.”

God bless you, Gilda. You are missed.

Fair Useof the CDC logo.Today, 23 June 2007, The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced a unique method that greatly reduces the spread of the epidemiology of stupidity. Wear pants.

Shortly after the CDC's announcement, Pope Benedict XVI was spotted at the Vatican prancing around in nothing but a papal sarong. George Bush and Dick Cheney, later that afternoon, were reportedly sashaying through the rose garden in nothing but red, white and blue g-strings while singing “Yankee Doodle Dandy”. WTF!?

The preceding WTF, Jesus said that. Lots of times. Mohammad and Moses, too.

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Seems that every political candidate for the United States presidency is jumping on the “I wanna be on YouTube” bandwagon. They certainly are adept at carrying on the tradition of William Clinton in his quest to maintain and improve upon the dignity of the presidency, e.g. bj's in the Oval Office. I can't wait to see which candidate has a political meltdown from his/her placement of their rendition of the Num-Num Dance. Not really. I just said that because I am busy munching down Sterno^® and still mulling over the concept of “Napalm the Net”. Got a match?

“Adobe Digital Editions is an engaging new way to read and manage e-Books and other digital publications. Digital Editions is built from the ground up as a lightweight, Rich Internet Application. Digital Editions works online and offline, and supports PDF and XHTML–based content as well as Flash SWF for rich interactivity.”

—The foregoing is an excerpt from Adobe's Digital Edition Web site.

Adobe looks as though a home run may have been hit with this free application [EXT]. It is a lightweight e-Book reader and management application for Windows and Macintosh, three Megabyte in size. It is a very efficient reader that helps in managing and categorizing any PDF or OPS e-Book collection.

Its only drawback is that it does not support audio rendering for visual impairments nor does it support Braille readers. Adobe Reader supports accessibility for individuals who need it. Adobe plans on introducing Digital Editions for mobile devices and a version for the Linux operating system. A portable version for an iPod or iPod type of device would damn sure make sense.

One hell of an application. Thanks, Adobe.

Several prominent Web gurus have stated that Ninety-five percent of the Web is broken. They have, also, called for concerted efforts to be made for fixing the Web. Some have stated, after review of this boinkin Web site, that the Web cannot be repaired and should be napalmed. I can only say, “Hell, yeah. Bring out the hotdogs and beer.”

The Cable News Network CNN, along with its investigative reporting of Anderson Cooper, declared, after a lengthy investigation, that in fact Yasser Arafat, along with Generalissimo Franco, are still dead.

What's his name? Yasser [Yes sir]. I asked you what is his name!

The New England Journal of Medicine reported on the increased trend of American consumers who stock up on food prior to any holiday. The Journal stated, “Just because food is generally less expensive prior to holidays and more is purchased, doesn't mean that you have to sit down and eat it all at once.”

NOTE: Pretty disgusting little photo, huh. Well, you should have been that boinkin guy who had to edit the damn thing.

On a more somber note, one of the great journalists, David Brinkley, died today [EXT]. Thank you, Mr. Brinkley for helping to maintain a strong, free and credible press.

Goodbye, David. Goodbye, Chet.

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